scrambled

a love without any reason!!

2011-05-24T11:18:00.000-07:00

She is making big leaps. Saloma is growing up. She is now 31 days old but looks as if my life knows her really well.
It appears as if she had always been a part of me and I dread the day she would leave Delhi, only to leave an abyss so surreal.
Children are like that. There is not even a single way that would suggest you not to love them. This is what people say about their children, but how true is it for the other children not belonging to their clan.
Will one love them the same way they would love their children? Will that love be and pure not touched upon by negative traits of a human being?
Having no Ph.D. in motherhood, I asked a few ladies of what they feel. Many were of the belief that it’s always special to have your own child. If you don’t get the wrecking aches, the love just cannot stay alive. The initial gestation period; synonym with pukes and the final hurdle synonym with intense pain, just adds on to the love for your own child.
As per them, it’s the blood running in the veins of the child that matters. If it’s yours, then that’s more than enough for love to blossom.
So the blood relationship matters, but what about their husbands. Do they marry their own cousin or brothers? They obviously don’t. But still they love them. So whatever factor guides their love, blood relation definitely does not appear in the picture in this case. But I still fail to understand why do the rules change for children?
I am no mother myself, but still I do love kids. A mother’s views and idea of love for her child is completely alien to me.
To me children are a means to the feel nirvana. There is nothing better that seeing them grow every day.
I love Saloma, not because she is my sister’s daughter but because she is the first child I am seeing from such a close quarter. I drool over her every time she gets up and makes faces to suggest that she is hungry.
The way she wakes up by punching her left hand up in the air, shouting out loud that she is a superman, is a to-die for expression. She pees on my shirt, she shits on my lap, and she vomits one on the whole of me, only to make my love for her deeper. I sing a song for her and she stops crying. I make faces for her and she starts smiling. She does not know who I am but makes me feel important. As a matter of the fact she makes everyone feel important. And I just hope that she remains this way and not start counting the blood relations as a measure of factoring her love.

women's special

2011-05-24T11:11:00.000-07:00

It made a grand entry in Delhi by zooming into everyone's life, making long distance journey seem short. It then ventured into every nook and corner of the city wanting to change the city's mode of suffering..err..commuting. It was the hot favourite for long before its reputation started deteriorating thanks to many instances of passengers shoving each other for space, recurrent time snarls, line stoppage but mainly because of women's safety. Cases of women being misbehaved with were reported in abundance. And this ultimately led to what we call women's special. A compartment reserved for the ladies.
And this is what makes the voyage worthwhile all the time for me now. Not because of the comfort and the security that it gives us but because it gives you the feel of an all-women’s planet without actually going to Venus.
To give you an overview, the planet ‘Venus’ is surely going to be pink in colour. Well this is exactly what DMRC thinks so. A bed of pink flower awaits you at the platform for you to board the train. That’s life from a distance but when I go into a closer quarter, the life takes a complete U-turn. It is a bed of roses with thorns.
An all-women’s train is supposed to be safe. Well absolutely true. But in the process we forget that safety is universal, irrespective of the gender. Men boarding the women's compartment, beware. You might just get thrashed, trashed and abused for coming into their territory. It would not matter if you boarding the train for the first time. Stepping into the forbidden zone can be catastrophic for you. DMRC should seriously think of some safety measure for the men breed. What about an alarm which starts buzzing as soon as a foreign (read foreign as man) contaminant steps in the women’s compartment, along with a warning sign? At least this would be better than facing the women’s wrath.
This basic idea over formulating this women’s compartment concept was to create a secure environment, but what about the cold glares that women get from other women. There is indeed no comparison between getting ogled down by either men or women. Whereas lust is the reason for the former, I can’t figure out the reason for the latter’s existence. Maybe it is just the casual glances that they exchange or maybe it is something more than that. Well to remain in the good books of women kind, I would stick to the former opinion.
But what is it that makes women behave ignorant in the conditions that require just the basic display of human nature. What would a person need when he/she is about to pass off? A place to sit and probably some water. But this basic understanding lacks in most of the women I suppose. They would do anything to make a man give away the seat reserved for them, had he been sitting on it, but when it comes to giving the seat to a needy person, they would best turn blind to it rather than respond. This is not to say everyone belongs to the same league; am not generalizing, but neither do I want to turn blind to this fact.
Then there is the constant chatter causing destructive interference all around. Too much gossip is always too less for them. But when the train goes under-ground, there is nothing much that you can do. The sudden gloominess in the atmosphere is nothing like its usual self. It’s killing. But like they say , even the darkest of nights don’t last till eternity and it is such a delight for each one of us (yeah..including me) when the train comes out of the tunnel to see the light of the day, as it means getting back your lost sense, i.e. of being able to talk over the mobile. The ambience is nothing short of the when the plane lands, with everyone updating on the phone when to pick them up from so and so station. It is all cheerful, just the right kind of atmosphere to make you believe that everyone is busy, merry and gay.
Just for some business idea, the girls out there wouldn’t mind telephone operators giving a shot at some mode of communication where the connection exists even if you are underground. It is time for Vodafone to rethink and re-strategize their tag line ‘where ever you go, we follow’. While formulating it, I guess they forgot about the underground mode.
Ah..and when the destination finally arrives, it’s all so predictable. Everyone just rushes fast as if there’s no tomorrow.
As I step into the world which I had left behind before boarding this train, I realize that it is far far better place to live.
Earth is amazing and I feel no reason to move into either Mars or Venus.

an over rated virtue

2011-04-06T08:02:00.000-07:00

Marriages are made in heaven. Surely. But what about love marriages? Are they made in some haven’s heaven or some special heaven not accessible to everyone? Well who knows except for the ones who don’t have a love marriage.
Never ever did I think that these ‘sort’ of marriages were a big deal till some time back. Of late I have started bumping into people who crib of the fact that they would end up in an arranged marriage. The deal for them is that love marriages would open doors for a blissful life and a fairy-tale kind of story would follow the suit.
This kind of, the unkind ambassador of arranged marriage, populace is becoming so banal that classifying them into certain categories is some task. Few years back there was this guy, IIML pass out, (I did not want to mention his alumni, but then I thought otherwise just to show a wide range of people affected by this bug) who was about to have an arranged marriage but hell bent on proving everyone that it was a love marriage. Maybe IIML tag was incomplete without a love marriage, as IIML pass outs are known to have multitude affairs.
That was long back but when I recently came a across a woman, it just brought back the memories of that guy. The woman is in her late 20s, about to have an arranged marriage to a south Indian while she herself is a north Indian. It is actually very wonderful of her to marry a south Indian, if only had she accepted it was an arranged marriage. For what-so-ever reason she was marrying him, she had only one regret. Yeah, you are bang on. Sometimes she used to be exultant that people would consider it to be a love marriage but when it came to facing the reality that it wasn’t, she would go into a shell. She once told me that she didn’t sleep properly last night. I asked her the reason. She responded saying it was because of some construction work. Only to add later that people might think that she must be busy with her boyfriend over the phone the whole of the night and how much she would have prized it to be true.
After listening to their sagas, I feel myself going into a shell as the only route of escaping such people.
Majority of the times we forget that love marriage just builds a comfortable zone for the two persons before the marriage but the marriage does not sustain on one comfortable zone. Rest apart, I have never understood the notion of people believing that love marriage works and arranged marriage doesn’t. I surely love seeing a couple getting married. In fact I am myself a pure believer of a love marriage but the constant cribbing and nagging of such people about ‘haves and have not’s’ is what pisses me off. I hope that this lot understands the concept that marriage is just a marriage. In some marriages, definitely, love would be placed before the word marriage, but if your case is not the one then this does not mean by any means that there would be no love after marriage.
How does this word sound ‘marriage love’ for arranged marriages, love after marriage? Well this was what those self proclaimed forbidden wanted. Love is what you need after all, before or after marriage. Right?

paving a way

2011-03-16T06:28:00.000-07:00

“Only a month left now”, said my sister. She is expecting and only a month is left for the delivery. “I am so excited but anxious as well. The child would take the centre stage of my life. And am afraid how Sachin would cope with it. I would be no longer able to give him the love and attention that I used to give.” Sachin is her husband and she looked visibly uneasy while saying this.

She was showing the apparent signs of a fretful to-be-mother. Not fretful because of the pain that the delivery would ensure but because of the fact that her love, which earlier her husband had the full pie of, would now be shared.

I was listening to her, just listening and didn’t respond.

I knew what to say but I couldn’t. I don’t know why. Maybe because I myself didn’t believe in what I was about to say.

After a brief silence when it looked like I would just let it pass, I started “Don’t let the unknown worry you. Our heart is not like a room, where you give an unambiguous position to your things and furniture. Over the period of time, the things just get shifted from one position to another or may just get replaced but the fact would remain that the space remains finite. And if you try to overdo it everything just gets messed up.
Our heart is in fact like the universe, an ever expanding universe. It might have started with a concise size but the sheer force with which it expands over the period of time, the share factor just gets eliminated. Every person carves an impression of his own in your heart, independently and not at the cost another person. You would never compromise to give your love for one person to give it to another person. The space is just so big.”

I could see her nodding. Just then I thought of the number of people whom I had lost touch with over the period of time and who have literally become strangers. Many have left; a few have made their way in. But every transition has been at the cost of some or the other person. Maybe my heart is not expanding; maybe those who have left never actually touched deep inside or maybe it was destiny.

“Hmm..yeah..I just hope so.”, she murmured. But I didn’t respond.
And I was silent again.

Finding Him!!

2010-11-20T22:42:00.001-08:00

"They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse”. Emily Dickinson
They aimed finding Him in the places made of concrete walls which smelled peculiarly of some scent, by placing his make-believe idol in the middle and sitting in a self-imposed punishment. She tried searching for Him by fasting in His name baring herself from forget food but even water, for He shall be happy and bestow her with whatever her desires are. So what if she dies, after all it would be a sacrifice in His name and she would be given a place in the heaven.
Ancestors categorized some places as the ultimate destination for discovering Him for others to make it easier to get close to Him, feel Him and please Him. He pledged to walk bare foot all the way to a temple which was there at above 500 feet, if at all He gives him the success in his life. Many who could not find Him in these ways, found Him in people who proclaimed themselves as the God of this century. That's another story that the very same person is the God of the criminals.
Many gave up this search, for them it was too tough a task to unearth Him and understand Him. Some never believed in His existence; He was just another figment of imagination for them. A few laughed at others who were His devoted followers.
And a few discovered Him in that single person who had entered their life and made the world go round and was the only reason that they were happy for he was the reason and source of it. With him being around, all they could sense was love for everything around them. Even the toughest of times sailed by smoothly. For he was the reason that they still believed…in Him.
And so did I!!!

fear of an unknown!

2010-10-03T06:48:00.000-07:00

Why do you walk along with me,
Keeping an eye on me all the time.
You glare at me every now and then,
Feels like getting lost in a forest that is dense.

I try to walk fast and brisk,
In an attempt to leave you behind.
In a bleak hope of leaving you far off,
I try hard not to get lost in this ride.

I have been walking alone before,
So what is it today that makes you come near me
Having never been in under anyone’s glare
I feel like breaking away for being free.

My shadow being the only thing,
Between you and me in the broad sunlight
What if the distance is eclipsed between us
For that I am scared of the arrival of the night

just another day!

2010-09-26T01:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes even the weather that you always crave for is not good enough to uplift your mood. The breeze with its tender touch was trying hard cheer her up. She turned a cold shoulder to it. The breeze thought of reciprocating in the same way by starting to turn cold. But the only difference being that the breeze was very well aware of the fact that she had always longed for it in this mood only. But the day was different. The more it blew, the more it brought along the memories of what she had left behind. She started hating it for drying up her tears. Her face felt as if it was turning into a stone. The inner thoughts were crying desperately inside to come out. Sitting in the bus, she started looking around, just in case she could get hold of a happy face. She knew somewhere down the line that it was what she wanted a sight of. Because she knew that it was infectious and the very face which was lively could make her happy.
A few minutes passed by, a hawker, who had just entered the bus, was trying hard to convince everyone on board to buy a table mat. Full of zeal, vigour and enthusiasm, the face wasn’t showing even a hint of weariness. He seemed to be bursting with life. This wasn’t for the first time that she was seeing such a hawker but the look on his after no one bought the mat from him was sufficient to make her think twice about travelling in a bus. He was sad, the hawker was sad.
She was eagerly trying to, desperately; find someone who was happy because she wasn’t. She turned back to look for a happy face by any chance. All gloomy faces surrounded her. The search was ending in vain. It seemed as if there was another tunnel at the end of the tunnel. The light seemed as if it ceased to exist. And the ‘rarity’ was now approaching ‘extinction’. The pursuit of happiness was now heading to a dead end.

She just couldn’t see a face..a blissful face.

another CWG article? not really!!

2010-09-26T00:08:00.000-07:00

CWG. We all are now well versed with the various full forms that have been given to this acronym. Scams have been the talk of the town; under construction stadiums being reduced to debris after a day of rainfall; Connaught place – once the most sought after shopping paradise, now nothing short of a Sahara desert and a volley of blames being thrown away from one person to another. We have read it all, we have heard it all and we have seen it all. What next? India bidding for 2016 Olympics and getting through? A next series of troubles of another city? A next round of blame game?
Huh..I am sick and tired of this daily dose on CWG fiascos.
But the point that I want to raise here is not this, but the one that concerns me. And I am sure, millions many. While the heart of Delhi, a.k.a CP was still reeling under reconstruction or should I say destruction, a heavily pregnant woman lying in mud puddle gave birth to a child, all that on the busy street of Shankar Market. The woman is no more, while her child narrowly survived the claws of the stray dogs. Seeing beggars on the traffic signals is sure enough a common site, seeing them sleep on the road dividers is usual, homeless drug addicts are just a stone’s throw away but what about this case? They say expect the unexpected, but no I am not ready for this. I am ready to accept my city without lavish stadiums, wider roads, flyovers at every junction, world class public transport. I absolutely love my city – Delhi - for what it is and not what we are trying hard to make out of it. But this incidence is just not tolerable.
I don’t know how I would ever walk through the roads of the same market again. I wish all the time that had I looked over her, she might have been just alive. How could I oversee this? What if I was there at that particular road while she was giving birth? Could things have been any different? It was only after some days that someone came to her rescue. Most of the passers-by would have taken her for another beggar with a baby. But is this any reason for our ignorance? Or are we too busy cribbing about our life, job, and the government?
Any reason surely can’t give an explanation to what happened. And we call ourselves modern, who are so busy in giving a perfect reception to the athletes. While we try to make Delhi into London, lets do the same for the providing the basic standards of living to each of us. Or better still, let’s make ourselves more human to humans. I can assure you, it would not require anything more than love and care.

what is on your mind?

2010-07-02T09:39:00.000-07:00

And so she was lost. The presence of 20 odd people around her didn't make matter to her. Lost profoundly in him and in those moments spent with him when they used to hold their hands together and when the time seemed to last till eternity. Her physical presence was almost invisible that evening because she had him deep in her that even the air around her was filled with his scent.

We are often lost, lost deep in our own thoughts. The thoughts that know no boundaries and when all they know is that they are meant to go miles and miles away. Okay, the last line being a bit of exaggeration. But more often than not, whatever percentage of mind that we use, our mind is seldom free..just stating the obvious. What made me mull over such a common instance is that what is it that we think about? Do we keep thinking about the same thing over and over again, until the time we get bored or do we do that because we love it so much which ultimately lets our inner self find solace within. I got no clue. I am stating just some of the many many reasons under the sun for its existence. For some, it might be money, study, friend/boyfriend/girlfriend, family, job, ambition or sex that never lets their mind be free. I don't know what is on my mind that is making me write such a shit. I don't know. But the time when I knew who was in there, he got to know it only to run away as if the place was a prison which was cuffing him down. Only if he could have realized that it was a prison in which I was jailed and not him.

P.S.: Coming to the point, I would lovvve to see your responses about what rules your mind and the reasons behind it!!!

linking of the nodes

2010-05-22T13:49:00.000-07:00

Mr.A is our beloved MD teacher. If you haven’t met him, then you have missed out on a conceited and unearthly creature. If you have met him after my recommendation..then well it was only a recommendation. At the end of the day, it was your pick.
So we all have been taught to mug up things, so that they remain on your finger tips. And it is no different with application of cast iron, used in compression. Remember it as C-C (the former C for cast iron, the latter one for compression). Wish I had attended (physical presence is what im referring to..my mind is never there in the class) those relentlessly tedious lectures.
So here it was, my first lecture of MD, his was..ammm..im bad at triple digit numbers.
Hooks material: the blistering topic of discussion.
Question: what is the material of hooks? God!! why do I ever listen to my friends' half baked answers?
Charged as I was (after all it was my first class), I announced uproariously(my friend’s awnswer): Cast iron
A: 'khade ho jao guneet. From which company woood you get it?'
Me: 'sir..mm..Jindal Steel..'
A: 'achha..you woood get a pink slip if you join the company on the very phirst day'
Me: 'why so..?is it coz its a steel company and so it wouldnt make cast iron????'
A: 'so that means you havnt attended my C-C lecture?'
Me: 'mm..carbon copy..?'
Who said there isn’t any short cut to success? When it comes to MD there are, myriad of them. Wish i had realized this earlier..sob sob..

you were a whiff of air

2010-05-20T02:44:00.001-07:00

the story started something like this
from the top of a cliff,
standing there, looking at the world beneath
everything gave me a notion of it being swift.

may be that was my ignorance to the world
that was standing right there in front of me,
or my very own self indulgent world
that was more than enough to suffice me.

a sudden rush of wind brushed past my ears
tried hard to whisper what I couldn't hear,
perturbed by its unexpected emergence and hustle
there was a strong feeling of an upcoming tussle.

the stronger it became with each passing second
the better I could make its presence reckon,
feeling its every brush with my hair
I wondered whether it was actually for real.

sometimes it was fierce, cold and strong
sometimes it was tender, velvety and soft,
sometimes I loathed its fierce temperament
sometimes I feared its predicament.

seconds passes by, minutes died a slow death
hours lasted till the eternity's final breath,
with every passing moment that it was there
I could feel a whiff of pleasant air.

but then all in the while that it subsisted
I couldn't think of its non existence,
and then when finally I stand there again
I get a sudden rush of feeling that was sane!!

Life is like that...

2010-05-02T03:45:00.000-07:00

There are times when you take an often travelled road to reach your destination but often landing up on a no man's zone which is no where near to where you wanted to reach. There are times when you buy a new dress, just on the basis of its tag, its 'in-quotient', its dirt cheap price or whatever, only to realize later that it could never be worn again and its going to spend its rest of the life in your overflowing cupboard. There are times when you give into the demands of your taste buds, overindulge in all those guilty pleasures and only later to realize the repercussions of overindulgence when the needle of the weighing machine has to bend itself hard to give you a glimpse of your fat. There are times when you start reading a novel purely by being fascinated it by its book cover and after browsing through 10 odd of its pages you realize that you have found a perfect pill for your sleeping disorder.

There are times when tried and tested things go horribly wrong; when rather than discovering your true calling, you go by what others say; when the materialistic beauty is more than enough for you to pin it down to your final choice and when you purely give in to the demands and the pressure of your surroundings.

And there are times when you don't know where your life is heading to, whether it’s all that you had actually longed for. But when you actually get it, you feel like ‘Boy!! This was unexpected but still I am loving it :D’

Life is like that, where things you disliked at the first sight, activities that you found boring and people whom you loathed earlier become a reason for you to look ahead and forward with all that positivity!!

Its uncertain, unthinkable, unpredictable, inconsistence, erratic, spontaneous, fussy, unstable, impulsive and these are the very things I love it for :D.

far away from each other

2010-04-14T13:44:00.000-07:00

All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above.

Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.
-
VIKRAM SETH

khwaab marte nahin

2010-03-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

dreams never die
dreams are not like hearts, eyes or breath
which shatter into pieces and scatter
when the body dies
but dreams never die.

dreams are like light, songs and breezes
which the blackest of mountains can not block
nor burn out in hells of tyranny
they are banners that flutter in song and winds
they mount scaffolds with their heads held high.

dreams never die
dreams are words, dreams are light
like Socrates they drink cups of poison
and like mansoor thy mount the gallows with a smile. - Ahmed Faraz

LiNeS tHaT i CoUlDn'T ChAnGe !!!

2010-03-19T10:20:00.001-07:00

people go far
away from you
you start wondering
what went go wrong
and the past becomes
a pleasant song.

longing to go back
to go back where it all started
when you could get my unspoken words
those times, those images
are now getting blurred.

am still there
where you had left me
shaken and broken by your abyss
the deep carved memories
of you
just refuse to make way for bliss.

after life

2010-02-20T20:42:00.000-08:00

When the wind whispers in your ears
when the moon smiles at you,
just believe that its my voice you hear
and i am here right next to you!!
When the night falls around you
close your eyes,
its not an illusion that you are dreaming
its really me!!!
I love you I always will
far from here and eternity!!
though it seems that its the end
you will know it has only begun!!

GeT a LiFe!!!

2010-02-18T07:59:00.000-08:00

How does it feel when someone comes up to you and say that you were the source of inspiration for him/her to do something? You feel nice, amazing, overwhelmed on hearing that people are following your foot steps. Well that is what most of the people around me behave on being at the receiving side (being referred to as a role model that is). But not me for sure. What I can’t understand is that why do people actually wait to get influenced by others to do something? Why can’t they explore things around them and try out those things on their own? It pisses me off big time, when someone tells me that they started doing something because of me. I listen to some particular music/singer because that makes me hum along with it, I like visiting monuments because I am curious to know about the history (who knows I might just get to know about my past too ;)), I like reading because reading stories takes me into a different world all together, I like watching movies because I like watching drama (and having popcorns ;)) and I like writing blogs because I just like it. The same might not work for the other person. But there is a breed doesn’t bother to think and just start doing it because they saw some one doing it and found him/her cool, intellectual..whatever!!. Getting influenced or making an impact onto one's life with my ideologies aint my cup of tea. Neither do I appreciate it. Individuality is what that matters. Doing what you believe in, identify with - should hold the utmost priority. People would keep coming into your life, keep influencing you now and then and make you drift and shift away from what you had set out to do..unless and until you refuse to take your stand.

Think over this, whether you still want to influence people or get influenced by them but don't get influenced, even a bit, by what ever I had written ;).

An evening in Chawri Bazar

2010-01-29T11:16:00.000-08:00

It was yet another evening with everything usual about it. The only thing bugging my mind was my bank account's poverty-stricken and recession affected condition which has been actually deteriorating day by day (thanks to my shopping fiascos). Making few, quick bucks was on the top of mind, so that is when I thought of collecting my old, torn, worn, neglected engineering books and sell them off in chawri bazar. After much hard work and weight lifting (an average engineering book weighs around 1 kg), I headed off to chawri bazar and what a journey it was!!
It was a smooth and merry ride till came the narrow by lanes of my destination. The place was over flowing with rickshaws, bicycles, scooters, redis, cows, buffaloes and cars (and that too not with nanos..but full blown sedans and SUVs). The sight of meagre 8 feet road accommodating every possible medium of transport was actually appalling. And if this wasn't enough the road even had temporary and shift-according-to-convenience road divider of redis. Why the hell on this earth (chawri bazar in this case) did the planners (if they ever existed) put everything at one place. Name what you want and I bet nothing can beat Chawri bazar. Have a marriage..get the cards printed, doing engineering..what better place to buy books at reasonable price, need to fix up your car..get tools, steel rods..blah blah, your taste buds in dire need of finger licking food..dont even think twice before heading here..you can get chats, fast food joints, kachoris at every second shop. Visit the place at around Id, never before would you have tasted better mutton. If India is a land of diversity then Chawri Bazar for sure is the land of shopping diversity. The place looks like a big open mall where you can find everything you need or desire. And this being the primary reason for the place being overtly congested. The smoke of vehicles got me close to my first major asthmatic attack. Even the two layers of thick hanker chiefs couldn't help my cause. Twice my slipper came off and fell on the road while I was on my scooter and all thanks to the over congestion, it was as hard to find as it is to find your kumbh ke mele mein bichada hua bhai/behen. If that wasn't enough to test my nerves, then came the final nail in the coffin when my jeans was ruthlessly torn apart by some 3 feet long iron rods which were being carried by a 1.5 feet wide rickshaw. I know torn jeans are ‘in’ but this wasn't exactly the way I wanted them. Moving over the pot holes and getting a jerk at an average of 2/sec, I finally reached my destination and made a handsome money of Rs.500 (during a financial crunch, even this much looks fab). Grabbing the money and books I finally and quickly turned to make an exit. I wasn't expecting the return journey to be any smooth. To my amazement (bewildered by the initial route, I took a new one this time even though a major risk it was), it was the other way around. It was not exactly bad as I had thought, until I reached a lane with three cows standing across the street, not even leaving an iota of space to go through. As my luck would have it, I had to go back by the route I came from, which was buzzing even more. Afraid of loosing my hard earned money in the mad rush, I safely put it in inner shirt's pocket.
While on my way to home, I came across a billboard saying 'hum badlenge to badlegi delhi'. I wonder how far this is true. All right, agreed that we make the place we live in but while we are doing our bit towards the society (I never throw waste on the roads, never spit, take care of street dogs, plant trees, avoid vehicle whenever possible), aint it government's responsibility to at least have a look at this situation, to restore the old charm of Chawri Bazar, to make it look like what it used to be..of beautiful tombs, darwaze, mosques. This metro clearly aint helping the cause.
The 2 hour journey which was supposed to be of 1 hour finally ended but not before making me feel nauseating, thinking and short of fresh breath. But then, I took out my Rs.500 note, felt its warmth, and basked in the glory of earning my hard earned money!!!

just one job

2010-01-06T13:32:00.000-08:00

Maruti, Infosys, Kukuku or is it Kukoku..err..I guess its kukuko. Well, who cares..people just want a job. The above mentioned names are companies which have visited my college for the placements thus far. Boy!!..people are actually getting despos..for a job, I mean to say(except for some carefree creatures like P.J).
Anyways..I was wondering and pondering over the reasons, as to why we need a job. Listing down some(refraining from the usual stuff):

1. No clue about the future. With a job in hand, you would at least have one. So what, if it is bleak!!
2. Enough of college life. Its time to get pro. So what, if being a pro would make you a self centered, inhuman and a shrewd person.
3. Enough of living on parents salary. So what, if your parents are super rich who can feed you throughout your life.
4. Move away from parents, friends, yourself. So what, if the last time you went away from home for a week..you broke down the very next day.
5. Want a change. So what, if the very same change is going to bug you down after just few months.
6. Want to be with new set of people. So what, if those very new faces would be first one to back stab you at you every step.

Well I any day and any time would fall in to the first category..going the way the flow of the river is taking me to. Making least bit of any effort, what-so-ever to change its direction..
Which category do you fall into? or did I miss out on your kind.
Suggestions are more than invited.. =)

P.S. People seeking a job presently, take this bit of free advice..stay away from this post ;).

beginning of an end or an end to a beginning?

2009-12-23T11:54:00.000-08:00

Why we are sceptical and uncertain towards any change that crops up in our life? Wouldn't it be too boring if everything was repetitive and monotonous; meeting the same set of faces daily, going to the same place to study/work, having the same plain yellow dal for dinner. Well, don't know about others, but for me a change after every short period of while is a must. But that is a different thing that I am the first one to break down when they actually knock at my door ;).

So, after spending 4 long years (19% of my life; please do not take me as a nerd..was just emphasizing the time I had depleted) doing B.Tech, I am desperately looking forward to welcome a change. One main reason being that I do not see myself evolving further (so that means that the role of college life is over..saturated..exhausted, it made me what I am today). Further avenues untouched, unexplored, unimagined await me, bait me. This by no mean means, that I wouldn't miss my college. It was full of fun, bonding, bunking, photo shoots, pleads for phokat ki attendance, movies, momos, cuppas, photostats, arguments, clashes, bitching( girls and bitching go hand in hand. 60 girls, 120 hands..now imagine the level and amount of bitching). Though I wish it was co-ed (neighbouring college crowd made the situation even worse =P).

It took me a good amount of time to come to the terms of the change when the school life ended, hope things do not repeat themselves this time. Hope I don't get lost when it actually ends, and go into seclusion.

4 amazing years they were after all =).

when you love someone...

2009-12-11T10:42:00.000-08:00

"I loved you. It was not a weight you must carry around. I loved you. It was not a box that holds you in. I loved you. It was not a standard you have to bear. I loved you. It was not a sacrifice I make. I loved you. It was not a pedestal you are frozen upon. I loved you. It was not an expectation of perfection. I loved you. It was not my life's whole purpose (or your's). I loved you. It was not to make you change. I loved you. It was not even to make you love me. I just loved you & will always do that as it is just the most purest n sacred form of relationship for me that is beyond evryone's sagacity & even yours.

But see the irony you made it a crime for me for which I have been forced to repent time n again but i guess now I am tired of repenting & suffering, so I am just simply giving it up...:)"

This bit of piece has been penned down by my friend P.J (has become an amazing one of late). And the occasion was, her boy friend ditching her. Arnt guys sick and tired of doing that over and over again, of committing then backing out?

"She wants to believe his every word, his assurance that he would never leave her, he would be her strength in intricate times ..she hesitates, for the fear that all these words might not be true. But she loves that person, and she is bound to trust him. And when her belief gets stronger, he aint there =) ..long gone.."

Well thought of adding this, coz just felt like..or rather could relate to it..identify with it =) =)

marching ahead :)

2009-11-23T12:43:00.001-08:00

I'm happy..
I feel like flying high..
there is not even a remorse of sigh..
shoved aside your deep carved memories,
that were plaguing the soul of mine..
resting peacefully in a graveyard they now lie

spring

2009-11-23T12:39:00.001-08:00

gone are the days when we had nothing to talk
gone are the days when we were shadows apart
gone are the days when silence wasn't peace
here we are turning to a new leaf

Crib till it rips you apart!!

2009-10-25T12:55:00.001-07:00

I'm sad and I'm cribbing for the current state of my life. The other day I was talking to my friend & he was cribbing about what life has given him. Its of the most common notion that we all go through when we are going through a tough phase or should I say cant handle the situation anymore!!Why is it that, when things start falling flat on their face, we start cribbing and dismissing them as the most horrible thing to ever have happened to us?

When the going gets tough most of resort to, the old age formula of cribbing and I'm no different.

Questions of all sort that are responsible for the current state of one's life, start making their presence felt. How-so-ever we might dislike people for cribbing, about their bosses not giving them an off, about how their parents would never understand that they have grown up to be on their own, about how their ex's were unfaithful to them and so-on and so-forth, the fact would remain that we are never content with what our past has given us, how our present is shaping up and what our future will hold (how can we be optimistic and look ahead to a happier life, when our past was a pain in the ass and the present is a pain in..ah whatever).

In spite of being surrounded by people who never fail at an opportunity to get envious of people succeeding at their workplace (mind you, I am not cribbing about people around me), I have always failed to understand that what is it that makes a person so bloody full of hatred for others. High time we get out of the mentality of the 'Grass being greener on the other side'. We all fail in exams, job interviews, meeting expectations, love..whatever..but the true essence of anything that comes after that failure cannot be surpassed had you got that thing in the very first place. And remember that 'It happens to the best of Us'. So what if you were lucky at the second go!!!

Defying certainity..defying death

2009-09-08T12:39:00.000-07:00

Dream 1: Down went the hill. So steeper and steeper i fell, from a monstrous, sturdy mountain into a dark gloomy pitfall. And there i met death. I embraced it with grace, as if this what i had always wanted but yet was ever so reclusive to accept it.

Dream 2: Catch me if you can. I am running, running as fast as i could. My feet trying to catch the tick tock pace of my heart. If not by being murdered, i would actually die of a heart attack. I am running out of breath..Huh..Huh.Oh God, i am hoping that it is a dream, a bad dream...

Dream 3: A Visit to a Doctor. I haven't been feeling good at all. Rightfully so, i paid a visit to the doc. He diagnoses me with a terminal disease. Echoes of crying, sobbing and grief fills the atmosphere with utmost disgust.

Present: Death, hot topic of atonement for my dreams these days. By far, the most dreaded and the certain aspect of our lives, but we still cant come to the terms that this world can live without us. Why are jitters sent down the spine, even at the mention of this word? Is life that big a thing? Can it be called a thing? Is it the only and the last chance that we get to live? What if there is yet another life after death? How would i live there without my close ones? Would that mean I would die all over again?

What does life mean to you? If life was that important a gift, we wouldnt have let it go waste..as most of us are resorting. That includes me as well..mind you. The way you unwrap the gift MATTERS!!! Rushing up to unveil the gift would destroy the quintessential essence of the very gift. What we get at the end makes the whole thing worthwhile. Similarly at the end one would fall pray to death, but having made your ride worthwhile is what would give you calmness and serenity.

Death is certain, no one is immortal. We all are going to fall prey to the ultimate fiasco. What is disturbing is to loose yourself to the worldy things while you are still alive. What ever your desires are, whatever you dreams are..you need to make them happen in the short span that has been given the name of 'life'.

That's another question to ponder over whether all those desires, dreams were worth spending your life at. We'll get back to it sometime later. :)

Special Bonding

2009-08-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I do not pray in words,
I take my heart in my two hands.

And hold it up before the Lord,
I am so glad He understands.

Sometimes I do not even pray in words,

My spirit bows before His feet.
And His hand upon my head,

We just hold communion, silent, sweet

Sometimes I do not pray in words,
For I am tired and long for rest.

And my heart finds all it needs,

Just resting on the saviour's gentle breast.

random

2009-06-12T11:17:00.000-07:00

Why is the sun shying away
from being eclipsed by the clouds,
For the exquisiteness of the sky lies in their mould

Why are the leaves not dancing, wrenching
to the rhythm of the wind,
For the serenity of their melody can’t be matched by anything

Why is the dawn of new optimism, ardor
not beckoning the dusk,
For that would have put an end to the distressed moans and perpetually dwindling trust

Why are you not soothing my ears with
what I long to hear,
For that would put an end to my miseries, desolation ..fears

God's hated child

2009-06-03T03:41:00.000-07:00

Nobody likes being hated, being ridiculed, being slammed for every petty thing one ventures to do. If i am different from others, does this mean my foresights into the insights deserve no respect?I feel like a slave today, shattered by the atrocious remarks of people over my beliefs. My beliefs, my ideals today stand on weaker grounds as they cry for support. Creating a trail for myself does not seem to be coming easily today...I am forced to bear the brunts of those treading on the normal path.
I feel dejected, rejected, alone in a population of trillions. Faith today is interrogating my presence. Why am i different in a way, that i am being hated? Is there nobody to squeeze me out of this perturbation? Is there nobody amongst the zillions to protect me from drowning in a pool of tensions. Have humans reached this far, that they have to confide in a non-living entity like a blog or a diary?
Aaah...How lonely i feel today! Nobody to console me, nobody who can lift up my spirits or atleast give peace to my soul. It feels today, that i better become friends with lonliness, coz its the only thing that has walked with me all through my life...

dasvidaniya

2009-01-02T11:43:00.000-08:00

The clock was striking 2am. I was feeling all heaved up after watching another john disaster. I fail to appreciate how can one pay no heed to horrible acting for a butt show. Agreed John has one of the best 'HOT BOD' in the business, agreed that he has the looks of 'it' guy, but keeping consentements a distance apart from differences, the bottom line remains that he simply cant act.

God..i was bitterly reminded of Garam Masala. Enough was enough i thought and life must be go on. I searched for more movies in the hard disk which was choked with an array of viruses( who would have taken the pain to scan 165MB when i am very well aware of my anti virus's competence). After probing a few movies, i decided to watch dasvidaniya( i earlier thought that it was dasvidandiya and has something to do with navratras). Dasvidaniya, a Russian word, meaning the best good bye, was an absolute delight to watch. I cant remember getting so moved by any movie. Amar(the lead character) had such an indistinguishable and undeniable charm that i wept throughout the length with him. The simplicity with which he made 10 things to do before he dies, the innocence with which he expressed his feelings to his childhood love, the helplessness he went through by keeping mum about his illness and the determination with which he mastered guitar, were truly awe inspiring.
Inspiring neah..he was much more than that..outta this world.

invisible delhi

2008-08-11T10:57:00.001-07:00

invisible delhi..what am i talking about?

im talking about the real delhi..the essence of delhi, the identity of delhi..delhi which came into being 100s of years ago.

mughal's most treasured gift to delhi..yeah..tombs & monuments

who said the monuments no longer exists..all that exist are ruins of concrete??

i recently paid a visit to humayun tomb, and trust me, it is the most beautiful, peaceful and charismatic place in delhi..in fact delhi had never looked so wonderful.

if that was not enough, the place was lush green(though i would have preferred trimmed grass).

the place has everything right going for it.., from being situated near central delhi, to the tickets being priced at 10 per head..(only one request: please have drinkable water in the premises of the tomb..i couldnt explore it completely coz my didi was all dehydrated after just 30 minutes, although her high heels were also to be blamed for that).

being in central delhi, i was expecting to find some faces there, but it was real sad to see only foreigners admiring the beauty(entry ticket per head was 250 for a foreigner and 10 for an indian). ahh..are'nt we tired of the ac malls and crowded markets??

really hope that the time comes soon enough when we'l start admiring the invisible delhi, which might just soon become visible..

never trust me when i say i will reach on time, never ever trust me when i say il attend the lectures, but trust me for all that i have said about the tomb and its beauty.